Using praise for the recently departed to sell your most important product—yourself! I’ll never be able to forget the sadness I felt at my aunt’s funeral. It was a very emotional day and, as I delivered the eulogy, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house. People came up afterward, shook my hand, and told me how proud my aunt would have been. They meant well, but I took little comfort in their words. How could I...

“Sayonara, suckers.” - Chucky, Child’s Play 3  Hello readers, and welcome to the somewhat somber final installment of And That’s Some Facts! All things must come to an end, and when they do, it’s important to say goodbye. Not out loud, necessarily; if you went around actually saying goodbye to each and every bus you ride, or spouse you flee from in the middle of the night, or scarf you lose, you ...

A month ago, I took a trip that I had put off far too long. Overfishing had left the Mekong giant catfish on the brink of extinction, and it was time for me to say goodbye. So I caught the first plane to Khon Kaen, rode a bus to the eastern border of Thailand, and hired a boat for the arduous trek up the Mekong River. There, and only there, could I finally bid farewell to my beloved Pangasianodon gigas before it disa...

Saying goodbye to someone or something you love is quite possibly the hardest thing a person can do. The finality of that moment, not to mention the endless hours and days colored by a sense of loss that stretch out beyond it, can be too much to bear. This is why I have never once said “goodbye” in my entire life, nor do I plan to; it’s the reason I’m probably the happiest, most well-adjusted man you’ll eve...

This column is not so much for you, readers, as it is for the higher-ups at Thing X. I was recently hired as a staff writer only to find out on Monday, my first day on the job, that the company was going under. Why did you hire me? I’d love to know, as would the people close to me who depend on my paycheck to survive. Why did you look me in the eye, welcome me aboard, and hand me a binder filled with employee b...

Using our patented email location and decrypting technology, Thing X scours inboxes from across the globe to bring its readers the most interesting workplace correspondence. This week, Kelly Escobedo, a freelance proofreader who recently spent half a day temping at globe manufacturer Globe World, says good-bye to her former coworkers. To: allstaff@globeworld.org Sent: December 1, 2012 From: kzescobedo_88@gmail...

One never wants it to end this way: Cold, dark, and alone, a congress of angry boots surrounding you on all sides, the men inside them pounding, pounding on the office door piled high from the inside with the books and brass of your former life, that impossibly distant time of success and ease, before it all went so wrong. Before it was time to say goodbye. This will be my final column. As you no doubt know by now, a...

The staff of Thing X has compiled a collection of songs specially designed to keep you click, click, clicking along with our monthly theme. Enjoy our Goodbye playlist!