Intercepted Email: I'm Leaving the Biker Gang

From: gghwilkinson@frozenbloodsinc.com
Sent: Friday, November 2, 2012
To: allstaff@frozenbloodsinc.com
Subject: I guess this is it… 

To my fellow members of the Frozen Blood Biker Gang,

It is with great sadness that I write you all today to let you know that I will be leaving the Frozen Bloods in two weeks time. I’ve been offered a leadership position in the Wheels of Carnage trucker gang that, professionally and creatively, I simply can’t pass up. But don’t think I came to this decision lightly.

You know you really love what you do when every morning you’re excited to begin the day, and that’s exactly how I’ve felt these past six-and-a-half years with the Frozen Bloods, despite the long hours and frequent slash wounds. We had a one-of-a-kind energy here that I’ll likely never achieve in another gang. There wasn’t needless competition or petty infighting. Each member of our team is essential to getting the job done, from Victor who can pick any lock, to Richie who cooks the meth, to Machete Dave who keeps the various processes running smoothly on a day-to-day basis. The invaluable skills I’ve learned here bring me that much closer to my ultimate goal of someday starting my own gang.

Perhaps my proudest moment with the Frozen Bloods was when we beat out the Bandaleros for control of the turf between South Cumberland and Beacon Drive.

We pulled all-nighters for two weeks straight, survived five different ambushes, and decapitated the Bandalero captain—and all well under budget, I might add. I hate to single anyone out but, 8-Toes, you brought your A-game. It was awe-inspiring!

But there comes a moment in life when you just know it’s time to try something new, and Wheels Of Carnage presents a logical, albeit challenging, next step in my career. As a captain, I’ll have 17 semis at my disposal, which will allow me to channel my lifelong love of criminality and violence into my other interest in interstate shipping and commerce. As much as I love the Frozen Bloods, there was only so far a two-axle vehicle could take me with large-scale drug smuggling and human trafficking: motorcycles are just not ideal for hiding teenage prostitutes and migrant laborers, and I think my career is ultimately headed in that direction.

Of course, my leaving is contingent on the Frozen Blood Council unanimously voting to release me from my lifetime bond and not murder me. But if there’s anything I learned as a Frozen Blood, it’s how to be a team player, so whatever you decide, I support you 110 percent.

In life and blood,

Gary “Gore Hog” Wilkinson