In Development: Museum Boost!

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Overview
Browsing a museum takes energy, focus, and stamina—without them, it’s impossible to give art appreciation your all. Studies show that the exhaustion caused by just 90 minutes of museum browsing is equal to one entirely sleepless night, even for people who typically like museums. Museum Boost, Thing X’s new energy supplement, targets the regions of the brain most involved in enjoyment of culture and gets you back to contemplating masterpieces in no time.

How It Works

Art is processed in a part of the brain called the prefrontal cortex, which fatigues quickly in a museum setting. Each two-ounce bottle of Museum Boost floods this region with a proprietary blend of amino acids, X vitamins, and other natural and artificial nutrients that temporarily make even the most boring landscapes and early American handicrafts worth looking at a minute or two.

Testing has shown Museum Boost to be staggeringly effective: 97 percent of museum visitors who said they felt “a bit sleepy” after an hour and a half reported feeling re-energized and alert after taking Museum Boost. They not only wanted to keep browsing the museum, they also wanted to go back and revisit works they “kind of blew past” on the way to the Impressionist gallery.

The chart below demonstrates the effect of Museum Boost on art stamina across various styles.

AVERAGE TIME SPENT VIEWING:

Museum Boost occasionally has unwanted side effects. The energy it produces sometimes resulted in uncontrollable museum binging that lasted up to five straight days, often without eating or sleeping. In extreme instances, such a person will rapidly exhaust all the museums within his or her metropolitan area and compulsively browse other buildings such as banks, home improvement retailers, and post offices as if art were present.

Further testing is required to determine if Museum Boost would be equally effective in natural history museums and what effect, if any, the presence of dinosaurs would have.