Hot Trash Trash Heap: Who Porked Who, In What Hole, Where?
Kelly Hudson, your Hot Trash Heapstress, here with all the hottest goss from last night's INSANE Oscar Orgies. We're talking bout the Academy Awards, you dumbbells!! Anyway, just like every year, there was a lot of intense porking amongst the stars. But who porked who? And in what hole? And for the love of God, where?!?! We here at The Hot Trash Trash Heap are here to reveal the heavy hearsay!
1. We all know Jean Dujardin and Uggie, his canine co-star from The Artist, porked each other rotten after last year's Academy Awards, but who would Jean sink his pork-pole into this year now that Uggie has retired? We hear it was none other than Richard Parker, the tiger from Life of Pi! Of course, he just had to do it in Richard Parker's tiger hole on a boat to make things official, didn't he? Bon voyage, porkies!
2. A cabbie-who-shall-remain-nameless reports that a dozen Pixar animators scrunched into the back of his taxi and had him cruise up and down Hollywood Boulevard until everyone had jerked each other off with closed fists at least once. Can’t wait to see the next Cars sequel!
3. Blind item! Which Fringe star named Joshua Jackson engaged in a major-league piggy-pricking of a jagged hole in a rusty dumpster behind a Von’s grocery store that resulted in a visit to the emergency room where he was treated for multiple lacerations to his penis and received a tetanus shot!? Hint: He used to be on Dawson’s Creek!
4. We got an extra hot tip that married woman Nicole Kidman's puffed-up lips porked Lara Flynn Boyle's puffed-up lips in Lindsey Lohan's puffed-up lips on a big puffy, leather couch! We can think of a few puffed-up lips we wouldn't mind being porked in!
5. It seems Hollywood heartthrob James Franco couldn’t keep his hands off the Panavision XL2 camera used to shoot Oscar favorite Lincoln! Mr. Spring Breakers himself was seen in the coat room at the Grove, deep-dicking the state-of-the-art device’s ample dual drive motors! I guess his balls were “ready for their close-up, Mr. Spielberg!”
Had enough greasy bacon details yet? At the Trash Heap, we know we haven't, and we just can't wait for next year!